Tuesday, August 26, 2008


i haven't had too darn much going on. Started a diet today, we'll see how well that goes. today went good, i'm doing it with erika. 1500 calories a day, and keeping a food diary so we're aware of what we're eating. and trying to be more active. i think i only had about 900 calories if not less today and i wasn't really hungry. i'll probably eat something before bed though just so that i dont end up starving by morning and binging on sugary cereal the first chance i get.

Last week i changed my phone number after a pretty traumatizing text battle with mom. Quincy was right, i should have never texted her back like a month ago. she is impossible to get rid of. it was either change my number or get a restrianing order.

This weekend we went to the SX races. it was fun. we hauled the 2 quads and dirtbike out and set them up with For Sale Signs. we had quite a few people interested but idk how many people were really serious. one guy called today on the dirt bike and wants to see it again. i had kind of hoped that that would be the last to go so q still had something to play on, but i kind of knew that the quads would inevitably be harder to get rid of. but alas it is one step closer to a polaris rzr s so thats good.

Things are looking pretty good on taking steps toward marriage. quincy told his dad that we were trying to "take some steps and get rid of the quads and stuff so we can get married" and told several people at the races saturday that he wanted to get rid of them so we could get more serious and get married etc; i just dont know how serious he is about it. i know he seriously wants to get married, but i just dont see him spending any money or bringing himself to ever buying a ring when he can't ever seem to even get me a birthday or anniversary or christmas gift (excluding the first christmas we had), let alone a ring. he just doesn't shuck out money like that for people other than himself....that sounds harsh and shitty. but its kind of just the truth. i've come to terms with the truth, but i just have to keep reminding myself that this whole process will probably take a lot longer than i would like. like it may happen later rather than sooner instead of the vice versa. its just kind of like beating my head against a brick wall sometimes. i can't really talk about kids because he acts like i'm out of my mind even though he says he wants kids. and when i text him questions about our relationship he just doesn't respond at all. like AT ALL. i dont get that. its like he just avoids it all together.

anyways. i think i'll go have a snack, do some facebook stalking and hit the hay.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

its already almost 1

and i have not accomplished anything yet today, except for surfing the web....and facebook stalking lol. I really need to do the dishes Quincy said he'd do but never does, and also my alarm didn't go off this morning (apparently because i set it for 9:30 p.m. instead of a.m.) and so i missed nalas appointment, so i have to remake that...ohhhh well. anyways, i suppose i will get off here and get busy. They asked me to come in at 2 today, but i have too much shit i have to do first.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

i guess you have to be a genius

It really pisses me off that you apparently have to be a genius to personalize your freaking blog. why can't they just make it easy, like doing a myspace layout. sheesh. here i am just trying to blog it up and they can't even make it easy for it to be pretty for me. anyways. today was a waste of a day off basically. i took like a 3 1/2 hour nap and laid around basically all day. i woke up at like 1 in the afternoon. i hate that i have to go back to work tomorrow but oh well, only 5 days until the weekend. lol.

Mom called while i was napping and left 2 nasty voicemails basically just because she was pissed that i didn't answer my phone after i haven't like all month and she wanted my cucumber salsa recipe. she just really needs to grow up and realize that until i get all the dirty details of the last 1/2 year analyzed than i really dont want to talk to her. and she doesn't really deserve an explanation anyways. even grandma says so. then she proceeded to text me after i texted her the freaking recipe. she basically made it clear that she was giving up on talking to melissa and i (bout time) which i've been trying to get her to do but ya know. and she said that her step children treat her better, which is a load of b.s. because all i've ever heard out of her mouth the last 2 years is that she hates clay and katy. that they're both so clingy and clay is ungrateful and that katy is stuck up and blah blah blah. that they both want ricks full attention all the time and rick buys clay crap all the time even though they pay an ass load for child support to laurie every month for the shit. so i know she was just trying to get to me. she always does this. calls for a "reason" when you know damn well she was just looking for one little reason to call just to lure you in so she can 1) bitch you out about something or 2) let things escalate into chaos. thats why i dont answer her phone calls. i know she's the only mom i'll ever have and all but i really can't afford to have that kind of negative influence in my life. she isn't the same. she is rude, inconsiderate, she doesn't take any care in anyone elses life besides her own. and if she does take any interest in anything in your life its just to one up it (ex. Amber: hey mom quincy sent me flowers today. Mom: really he never does anything for you ever because i hate him because he's taken care of you since i wasn't around to do my damn job and anyways rick buys me flowers everyday of my life because he's perfect and my life is perfect and yours is shit...ok slightly exagerated but thats basically how it goes down). she just isn't the mom she used to be and everyone agrees that its because of rick. i understand you should be with someone that changes you. but not for the worse. she's totally withdrawn herself from her immediate family. the family she does talk to she's completely master manipulated. i know this because in the past i've been master manipulated.. its just theres so much of this on my mind still on an everyday basis. when i do decide i'm ready to explan to her and that she has earned an explanation, i want to be calm and confident in all my feelings. i dont want to start blubbering or flying off the handle like usual. because thats what she does and i want to be better than that. anyways...i think i'm going to go enjoy the rest of my sunday...i mean monday morning now. gnight all....hopefully i'll remember to write more.